Face Mask Required

My son is an artist.  Yeah, he’s six-years-old, and most would say that it’s premature to “classify” a kid, but the kid is an artist.  He would choose to color, draw, paint, or craft over anything under the sun.  And he’s good.  Damn good.

Tonight he took his artistic talents in a new direction.

I found him in his sister’s room sketching.  He was diligently pencilling away and the draft appeared to be very detailed.  My interest was immediately peeked when he looked up with devilish eyes and said “mom, you want to be like on my team, I’m running a spy mission op”. 

The only appropriate answer to that question is “let me see that paper”.

I took the sheet of paper and realized he had mapped out the second floor of our residence with detailed pictures hanging on walls, rugs on floors, and family members staged in their last where-abouts.  The main focal point took place in the upstairs bathroom where my three-year-old daughter is shown “taking a dump” on the toilet.  And those were the words used by my son, not me, thank you very much.

When I questioned who were were supposed to be spying on, he immediately answered with the poor victim dropping a #2 on the throne.  Apparently the strategy was to target the weak and helpless.

I innocently questioned whether or not he was going to let her wipe her ass before bombarding her with Nerf gun pellets.  His response was “well, yeah, the smell alone with kill me if I don’t”……yet another confirmation that no biological testing is needed on this kid.

So what’s a mom to do in this predicament?  Choose a side?  Divide the fortresses between good and evil? 

I decided to take the “strategy” into my own hands.

I told my son that I would stake out my daughter in the bathroom to see where her next move would land her.  Once she had taken care of business and moved on to her next Polly Pocket quest I directed my son to the bathroom and conveniently shut the door behind me as he dropped to the floor from the vapors of dung yelling “mom she’s not in here, I think I’m going blind from the smell”.

Know thy enemies my son.

Luke………….I am your mother……………………….