Mama Needs a New Pair of Shoes

My sister was in town over the holiday weekend.  She brought home a lemonade stand kit.  For those of you unfamiliar with just how insane marketing has become – this would be a cardboard box that contained plain white cups, a generic sharpie market, and a yellow gingham tablecloth. 

The box itself showed a picturesque pitcher of sweet lemonade w/ perfectly labeled signs and “25cent” marked cups.   But the kit itself had no lemonade packets, no glassware, no table & chairs, no megaphone, no miniature elves that help make the lemonade – that stuff would not fit into the 4″ X 10″ box.  The box was just selling an “idea”……….or 3 hours of my sister’s life that she won’t get back.  I figure she paid $2.25 an hour to sweat her ass off – worth every penny, I’m sure.

I digress.

My five-year-old son and my sister set up shop after I delivered additional dixie cups and the lemonade – yes, the actual lemonade.  What can I say? The self-appointed management team on this little business venture was a little shaky.  They set up shop on Labor Day in 85 degree heat w/ sweat-beaded foreheads, politician smiles and lots of traffic on grandma and grandpa’s main drag. 

Business started out slow.  Early on, a few of my sister’s friends made their way from the backyard pool (where I planted myself) to the front sidewalk to make a quarter purchase to help boost the five-year-old entrepreneur’s morale. 

But within thirty minutes time, cars were pulling over to the side of the brim and hopping out for the old-time pink lemonade.  My son was hollering “Lemonade Stand” and sales soared.

I’m sorry to report that I signed a non-compete disclosure, so I’m unable to share with you the secret ingredients of the prized beverage.  But if you were to take a guess, you might start by thinking about an “Old Time” when you lived in the “Country” and drank “Lemonade” – preferably “Pink”.

While rumor has it that my son drank half of the potential profits, he still made out with a heavy cigar box full of dollar bills and change.  When totalled up, that little shit made $12.25!  I don’t even think the kid was out there an entire hour!

Forget garage sales, I’m sending each of my three kids out to local street corners w/ a pitcher of lemonade and a sharpie marker every three-day holiday weekend.  I figure my youngest can start w/ $1.00 shots at the end of our driveway while my three-year-old convinces some neighbor kid to set up, hold, collect, and clean up her princess version of the stand.

All I’m sayin’ is……….mama needs a new pair of shoes!