Mindless Mom

I’m in a funk this week.  Tired beyond belief and sick of this f(%*)#(%*#)(%* weather!  I’m one of the few Ohians who actually love the snow, but I have to admit I’ve reached my limit.  Good timing, as the radio dj announced a forecast of 1-3 inches of snow coming tonight on my drive in today.  UGHHHHH!!!!!

Snow aside, due to my “funk” I have chosen to ignore the following questions over the last three days.   A few of them “I wasn’t going to go there” and others I flat out refused to answer for fear of what would spew from my mouth (basically they are one in the same):

“What’s for dinner?”

“But mom, why won’t anyone tell me what a drag queen is?” (spoken by my innocent 5-year-old after watching The Bee Movie purchased by my mother - once again, thank you feature films)

“When I wake up I want some toast, some mac & cheese, some juice, some Easter candy, some pizza, some pizza for Sammy too.  You get me all dose tings mommy?”  (Yeah, let me get right on that Sarah.)

“Did you sleep well last night?”

“Is that a new sweater?” (No, it’s 8 years old….thanks for the reminder that I look like a 75-year-old retired school teacher.)

“Did you get that email I sent?” (It was sent 2 minutes before I walked into a meeting.)

“What’s with you?” (here’s the one you’ll want to refer back to the “didn’t want to go there” preface)

The following conversation took place while driving in the car with my five-year-old in the backseat. 

“Mom, why weren’t there any cars, humans, telephone pole wires, birds, sleds, gloves, hats, and houses when the dinosaurs were alive?”

“They didn’t exist yet.”

“Why?”

“They hadn’t been created yet.  Humans didn’t exist when dinosaurs were roaming the earth.”

“What does created mean?”

“Create means to make.  For example, when you and I make a snowman we start with a bunch of snow.  Before we start rolling the snowman parts, the snowman doesn’t exist.  But then we can create one using the snow.  Create, get it.  So God had not created human beings yet.”

“Mom, I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.  Snowman existed when the dinosaurs were alive.  It’s on a Land Before Times Longneck Migration movie that we got from the library last week….Little Foot and his friends all make snowman when the snow comes.  Can you try telling me again?”

“Thank you Disney.”

So I’m quickly learning that the life of a blogger may not be for me.  I’ve been screwing around with the font and layout of this page for like two hours tonight and I’m over it! 

 Let me sleep on this new found responsibility (meant in the loosest sense of the word) and decide which direction I’m taking this good old blog of mine.  Something tells me it may be right out the door.  Unless of course, I start pulling material from the mouths of my kids - which could set me up for life on this blogline. 

Sweet dreams.

In hopes to keep my high volume audience appeased, I thought it was in my best interest to get a “blog” or two out there….or else all ten of you are going to tune back into my sister’s blog and call it a day for kc77. 

While I’m still trying to figure out which direction to take this blog, I did receive quite a few interesting topic suggestions so far……however, the first piece of shark bait that was dangled before me came in the form of “Frank” on 3/12 and it was the following discussion thread:   ”4) Great financial tips and strategies passed on from your dad over the years. ”   

So here are 10 financial tips and strategies (in no particular order because I have yet to master the editing function of this damn site)  that my entrepreneurial father (a.k.a high school teacher) passed on to me throughout my lifetime:

1. If you need/want money - GET A JOB!  Even if it means walking your ass up to McDonald’s every other day for three months at the age of 14 and begging for one!
2.   If you want to make more than $4.15/hour - GET AN EDUCATION and then go GET A BETTER JOB!
3. Long distance phone calls cost money.  Teenage fast food wages will be withheld until all bills are paid in full.   (Note:  This could also take up to 3 months on $4.15/hour)
4. Do not disclose “secret change stash” to teenage daughters, as they will pilfer you dry and leave a trail of nickels.
5. If you want to live off of your father’s credit card you must first leave the country.  Funny enough, this lesson was learned through observation as I watched from afar as my younger sister mastered this skill in college.   During that same time, I was pulled into the “Web of Moochville” as I wrangled up President Club passes for her so that she could get her beauty sleep during airport layovers while she travelled the world.  So I guess this financial lesson was two-fold……in the future keep a log of administrative work and bill respective client. 
6. Banking on $$$ hand-outs through UPS care packages does not make for good travel plans.  Mangled-up box may not be delivered to your dorm mailroom until eight weeks after your planned road trip.  (Also made mental note not to splurge on dive bar Dewey’s Tuesday Night $1.25 drafts for everyone because “dad is sending money” prior to noted road trip.)
7. When you figure out “where these people get their money” share the secret.
8. Do not go to wise father for salary negotiation tactics.  Likely response will include self-destructive phrases that include words such as “demand”, “owed”, “you’re time has come”, “it’s a business world”, and “stick it to the man”.  Ok, so I may have exaggerated on the last one.  You get the point.
9. Paying off student loans before your first child is 6-years-old is a true accomplishment.
10. Don’t underestimate the value of a shiny, round Abe Lincoln….or a whole lot of them. The pizza man has no choice but to accept 1,000 pennies in a plastic custom Wartburg stadium cup from a curly- haired, mortified-looking 12-year-old when delivering a large pepperoni pizza at 10:32pm on Maple Drive. 

I hope this list of financial wisdom finds its way into your pocket books….er, I mean joke books and you make your way back to kc77 for future reads.  I realize that the life of a blogger requires dedication….which I’m not sure I can deliver on consistently.  If worse comes to worse I’ll just link everyone else’s blog to this blog and you can be re-directed to new material with a click of a mouse.   Until next time………

Inspired by my sister, I have crumbled to the pressures of friendly sibling rivalry and have started my own blog.  What I plan to blog about………has yet to be defined. 

Please send any and all suggestions that will allow me to claim “Most Funny Family Member” in a sea of critical, sarcastic, and joke-loving family and friends.